Easier To Run
by ScarsOfLife
Summary: She didn't want to marry him. But she did.
1. Chapter 1

_Easier to Run_

_1.Forced Passion_

To be a Black is to be noble. To be a Pureblood is to be superior. To be both these things is hell. To have an arranged marriage is hell. Yet those are the cards that fate has dealt me. I am condemed to a life of sittng still and looking pretty. A life of complete and utter boredom. A life of ordering around houseleves and tea parties with my equally bored and equally fake 'friends'. A life of wondering what could of been. Should have been, yet a life that I knew I would never have. My life was that of any seventeen year-old pureblooded witch. A life of terror.

The magical world considers itself to superior than the muggle one. Many would argue with that but they still belive that they are. But in truth it is muggles who are superior. They have adapted to life without magic. They came up with means to have light without using candles. The have much more effecient ways of writing (nimble little quills that refill themselves). They do not have to resort to taming birds in order to communicate. They are definately superior.

They also have the freedom to choose who they marry. In the magical world most marriage's are decided by either the family or the ministry. If you disagree then you are stripped of your powers and sent to live in the muggle world. This seems like a very good option, unless you are me. My relatives have brought the family shame. Bella has had very obvious ties to Lord Voldemort, one of the more dangeroud dak wizards. Adromeda is marrying a muggleborn. Regulus is far too young to tell and Sirius, bless him, has managed to escape our oppressive family life.

I wish I was as brave as Sirius. Brave enough to escape and be my own person. Nut I can't. I am condemed to Marry Lucius Malfoy and I hate it. I hate the fact that I am forced to love him. Eventually I will be forced to bear him an heir. I wouldn't want a chid to live under the notoriously sadistic Malfoy name. Yet I have no choice.

Lily Evans, the little muggleborn Gryffindor once told me that we always have a choice. That was until she learned the consequences of attending Hogwarts. She is betrothed to the insufferable prick that is James Potter. No-one has a choice. The male chooses the female and that's the way it always been. Lily may be muggleborn but she is my one chosen friend and she hates this as much as I do.

I am dreading graduation. I will be married almost immediately and I will be forbidden to speak to not only my best friend but my favourite sister and my sweetest cousin. It is a terrible life for anyone to live. A life of forced passion.


	2. The Dreaded Day

_Easier To Run_

_2.The Dreaded Day_

Graduation was horrible. Saying goodbye to your best friend is horrible. But it has to be done.

My dress is white. The same milky white that graces my flawless complexion. I hate it. I hate the frills and the lace and the intricate beading. My father takes my arm and leads me up the rose lined aisle to my doom. Even the wedding march sounds forboding. My breathing is laboured. Partly because of panic and partly because of the constricting corset.

Father gently kisses my cheek as I reach my 'beloved'. The sheer veil is lifted off of my face. Lucius is a good three years older than me and at least a foot taller. I tried not to cry as ceremony satrted. I said my vows mechainically. Without feeling. I barely paid attention. My eyes swept through the crowd when no-one objected. My family, my 'friends' they were all here. He kissed me hungrily. I didn't dare react.

The reception was held at Malfoy Manor, my future home. I excused myself halfway through the night and wandered out onto a small balcony at the side of the ballroom. I don't think anyone noticed.

"Hey 'Cissa." She turned.

Sitting casually on the balconies railing were the three people I missed the most.

"Siri! Addy! Oh my god LILY!" I was thoroughly shocked.

"Not so loud someone could hear us." The usually reckless Sirius was suddenly chiding me.

"I missed you guys." I pulled him into a quick hug.

"We missed you too." Adromeda came up behind me and hugged both me and Sirius.

"Group Hug!" Lily bounced over and embraced us all.

I really missed them.

"So Lily, when's you wedding?" I asked her quietly.

I regretted it insatntly as her face hardened, "Three weeks."

"I'll try to make it." Lily nodded as she looked at her watch,

"We have to go." Addy whispered. I watched with teary eyes as my friends quickly jumped off the balcony and disappeared into the ngiht. I carefully fixed my make-up. It was going to be a long life.


	3. I cant

_Easier To Run_

_3. I Can't_

"Lucius," He looked up at me disdainfully as I stood in front him in his private study. He was just about to leave for work.

"Yes?" he drawled softly.

"I will be visiting Adromeda this afternoon." He shrunk his papers and gazed at me. I shivered.

"Is there any particular reason why." he inquired.

"Yes, she has some rather valuable items that belong to me, items that cannot be safely delivered by owls, I was merely going to collect them and discuss how we shall split out parents fortune." My parents had died a few weeks previously and it seemed plausible.

"Very well," He grabbed a handful of Floo powder from the mantle, "Do not dawdle, It would be dangerous to be around those people in your condition."

My condition.

How quaint.

I am not diseased you dolt, I'm pregnant.

Which is why I'm visiting Addy, I need her help. And Sirius'. And Lily's.

I missed Lily's wedding which is such a pity. I know she needed me. And Siri did too. Seeing your supposed best friend and the girl you loved get married, while you were best man had to hurt. We may have been cousins and he may have been estranged but he was like a little brother. I wanted so badly to wrap him up in cotton wool and protect him. But I couldn't.

When I arrived at Addy's I smiled, it was just like old times. Addy fussing over Sirius. Lily sitting there giggling at their antics. But this time there was someone else. Ted Tonks. He obviously cared for Addy and I was happy for her.

"Hey 'Cissa." Ted called as I stood in the doorway. I smiled at him and entered I was quickly pulled into a hug by my three best friends, while Ted stood back and watched.

"Sit." Addy sat me down and began fussing over me.

"Addy stop. I need to talk to you all." Ted stood to leave, "No Ted, you need to stay."

He looked at me completely baffled before taking his seat again.

"I'm sorry I missed your wedding." I said to Lily, "But, Now you must keep this to yourself, Lucius had raped me." I choked slightly and they all looked at me concerned. Ted handed me a tissue box and patted my back comfortingly.

"I thought you looked different." he said quietly.

"Oh 'Cissa." Tears filled Addy's eyes as it hit her. I was six months pregnant.

"The bastard." Sirius growled and he stood up, clearly angry.

"Sirius." Lily pulled him down into a sitting position.

"I can't raise my child there, I can't let a child grow up in that kind of environment." I was crying now. My poor unborn baby.

"Does Lucius know?" Ted asked.

I nodded.

"Oh 'Cissa, What are you going to do?" Lily asked.

"I have an idea, But I need your help."


	4. Stillborn

_Easier To Run_

_4.Stillborn_

"Lucius I'm sorry." I stood in front of him trembling, the winter air stung me as I stood there, my body damp from the sweat.

"It's a girl isn't it." Bastard.

"It was." I sobbed. She was safe now. Safe with Addy and Ted and Lily and Siri.

"Was?" He drawled.

"Stillborn." I looked at my feet.

"Probably for the best. I need an heir."

I wanted to punch him. His daughter was dead and he didn't even blink.

I left quietly then. I went to the guest bedroom on the other side of the house where my baby was.

Sirius was holding her. She wasn't even making a noise as he gently rocked her.

Addy was sitting on the bed with Ted softly crying.

I nearly laughed when I saw Lily. She was standing by the blazing fireplace watching the moving photographs. She loved to watch them.

"Here." Sirius handed my baby to me.

"Hey there." I cooed. She was such a beautiful baby. She had all the features of a Black. Dark hair, pale skin, light grey eyes. She gurgled. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I handed her over to Addy. She was safer with them.

I started sobbing as they left. My poor sweet Nymphadora.


	5. Octavia

_Easier To Run_

_5. Octavia_

"Oh 'Cissa. he's gorgeous." I smiled at Lily as she held my baby boy.

"Not as gorgeous as little Harry." I bounced Harry on my knee and he chortled happily.

They were roughly the same age, Draco being a few months older. We were playing in the nursery at Headquarters. Not the blasted Order of the Phoenix headquaters but headquarters for the Phalanx.

"They need you in the meeting." Nymphadora droned tonelessly. She was six years old now and was anxious to join the meetings.

"Ok Dora." We left the children with Dora and we left for the meeting.

The meeting went just like the meetings usually do. Except today, Sirius was late. When Addy opened the door Sirius was facing the field just outside talking to himself.

"Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness." Lily called, grinning cheekily as Ted tried, and failed, to stifle his laughter.

Sirius turned, a baby pink blanket cradled in his arms a baby bag hanging precariously from his right wrist. I distinctly rember dropping my teacup. Sirius stepped wordlessly into the kitchen and sank into the closest chair, rocking the baby in his arms. She was gorgeous, at least I assumed it was a she, Sirius was hopeless and the poor child might have been a baby boy confined in a feminine garment. Or blanket, whichever you preferred. Sirius loosened the blanket and gently pulled it off.

"Hey honey." he cooed as the little girl started moving. She gurgled at Sirius. The little baby was wearing a little bear jumpsuit, the hood pulled over her ears. He smiled down at her and I felt my heart fill with affection. Sirius had been upset ever since Lily's wedding. Then he was made Harry's God-Father. Poor Siri.

"Sorry I'm late, Someone had to go to the bathroom." he tickled the girl's stomach.

"OH Sirius she's gorgeous." Addy was the first to speak.

"Did you hear that Octavia? It's not just me, everyone else thinks your gorgeous too."

"So that's Octavia." Lily said, strangely withdrawn.

Sirius looked up at her, "Yeah."

Lily opened her arms and Sirius gently handed Octavia over. Tears filled Lily's eyes as she took in the familiar features of a Dark Veela. I didn't find out what was wrong until much later.


End file.
